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Parenting Parenting a child with special needs is an adventure, challenging, wonderful, emotional, and frustrating, which is the practical definition of "parenting a child". There are differences when your child has special considerations, but above all they are still a child. They have the same dreams and hopes and desires as any other child. Just because their legs don't work or they are missing a part of their arm does not mean they don't dream of winning a running race at school. Just because they stutter does not mean they don't dream of being a singing star or a teacher. They want to play the same things as other children. They want to be like other children. They want to have friends and go to school and act silly. Now comes the "special needs" part of parenting your child. I prefer to call it "special considerations" simply because to me, my daughter is not needy she simply has to do things in a different way. There will always be things that she wants to do but cannot because of her circumstances but I prefer to help her focus on the I cans, not the I can’t’s. There is another part of parenting a special child that hopefully comes at the beginning and that is mourning for the normal child that isn't there. Whether your child was born with special needs or had an accident that left them with special needs, or developed an illness that caused it, you will need to deal with the "normal" child that isn't there. My daughter started having seizures at eight months of age and I was still hopeful that she would be "normal". It became obvious within the next year that "normal" was not in the cards for her life. I did not realize that I was stuck in an abyss of helplessness and hopelessness and non-coping for a while. It was not until one day with my daughter that I saw a mother with a daughter, approximately the same age that I felt as if I had been run over by a freight train. I took my precious angel to the car and sat and held her and cried. She didn't understand why I was upset and at that moment neither did I. But that was the beginning of my letting go of the "normal" child I had planned for, thought about, and prayed for and accepting my special angel. It is this acceptance that enables me to be my daughter's mommy, teacher, friend, and maybe most of all Advocate. When your child has special needs, you will like it or not have to become an Advocate. You will have to advocate for your child to get the tools, help, assistance, and opportunities they need to grow and maximize their potential. School systems, case managers, doctors, therapists, and other workers your child will come into contact with might help. But you and only you have only your child’s best interest at heart and know them better than anyone else ever will. So, welcome to one of the most challenging careers in the world: A special needs Advocate. Tips for parenting physically disabled children by Lawanda Ray As a disabled adult, I can tell you that the most important thing you can do for your disabled child is provide and atmosphere of structured normalcy. Structured normalcy means keeping everything as normal as possible but with safety precautions. This type of environment fosters your child's concept of independence, by preventing them from constantly falling victim to the "special arrangements" label. Physically disabled children can lead perfectly independent lives as adults. Here are some tips for keeping things normal: Discipline - Don't discount discipline. Often time's parents of disabled children cut corners in this area because there is the misconception that the child does not know better. This is an awful myth that can make other siblings resentful and leave your disabled child without the knowledge of consequences. Communication - Be sure to keep the lines of communication open. Disabled children can sometimes go through periods of depression. So, it's important that you stay in the know. It's also good for your child to know that they can come to you about anything. As unfortunate as it is there, there are people who try to take advantage of disabled children because they are thought to be less intelligent. These predators can be neighbours, friends, or even family members. Forecasting - It is highly important that you always plan ahead when you have a disabled child, and make sure they are aware of the plan. What college should they attend? What career tracks are feasible? How to pay for future medical expenses are issues that you should start mapping out as early as Junior High School. Raising children is always an adventure. However, raising a disabled child adds a whole new level of difficulty. As a disabled adult that has graduated from college, landed a good job and lives alone I offer this advice to all parents. Because if my mom had been any other type of parent, I wouldn't be the person I am today. |
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